Dr Alex Karev

Sun, 22 Jun 2008 20:05:51 GMT

All scars are just battle wounds.

Thu, 19 Jun 2008 18:28:29 GMT

I am not a nice guy.

Thu, 19 Jun 2008 04:16:15 GMT

Bambi can kiss my freaking ass.

i do not feel ashamed [Topic 49]

Fri, 30 Nov 2007 04:15:31 GMT

049. TEN questions you will never answer.

1. Do you love Rebecca?
2. Did you love Izzie?
3. What are you doing with Lexie?
4. Why do you hate George so much?
5. Do you like the gynie squad?
6. Are you scared?
7. Where's your father?
8. Are you dark and twisty too?
9. Is there anything you'd do differently?
10. Have you ever been in love?

Alex Karev, Grey's Anatomy

(40/32) you are the scar on my tissue [that i show to all of my new friends]

Mon, 22 Oct 2007 18:51:54 GMT

040. TEN people who have saved you.

1. Izzie
2. Meredith
3. Ava
4. Rebbecca
5. Shepherd
6. Bailey
7. Joe
8. Sloane
9. Mom
10. The Chief

032. TEN things you never told anyone.

1. I've only been in love twice in my life.
2. I love my father.
3. I'm angry with my mother.
4. I like the GYNIE squad.
5. It could have been good with Addison.
6. I want to push Sloane off a cliff.
7. I used to respect O'Malley.
8. It could have worked with Izzie.
9. I like living with Meredith and Izzie.
10. I want connections.

Muse | Alex Karev
Fandom | Grey's Anatomy

on top of the world, I see the way people see and work

Mon, 22 Oct 2007 18:20:10 GMT

039. TEN people you've never had a romantic entanglement with.

1. O'Malley. Because not only am I not into guys, even if I was I couldn't look twice at him cause the dude is incapable of being anything but a big douchebag. Maybe I'm an asshole but I'm an honest asshole. George is just a pansy.

2. Meredith. We're too much alike. The sex would probably be good but it's just not going to happen.

3. Addison. Technically. Sex and romance are too different things.

4. Yang. She'd drive me batshit insane.

5. Olivia. See #3.

6. That lady in the bar.

7. Lexie. She thinks I'm an asshole now. Oh well.

8. Any of my interns. It's unprofessional.

9. Sloane. Though if I were a gay man I'd probably have no problem with that.

10. Dr. Bailey. She scares me, that doesn't happen often.

Muse | Alex Karev
Fandom | Grey's Anatomy

but you think i'm somebody when all i'll ever be is nothing

Mon, 22 Oct 2007 18:09:56 GMT

TEN things about Alex Karev

1. He doesn't do relationships (at least not well) and he doesn't fall for the chicks he sleeps with (usually). Emotional attachments just aren't his thing, they make him feel more than weak. Like his mom and his dad combined.

2. Dad was a druggie, alcoholic bastard who deserved what was coming to him. Alex doesn't know if he's alive or not, he's not sure he cares.

3. He got into surgery to become a plastic surgeon and make the big bucks. Seems like life just isn't going to go the way he expects.

4. He really can't believe she did that. At all. It makes him sick to think about it.

5. He misses Rebbecca. Not Ava, that wasn't her name, he just misses her. She's the one person in a really long time he's felt comfortable around. Someone who looked past his bullshit and saw him for who he was and not who he wanted everyone to think he was. It would have never worked out and it's not even really romantic on his part, but he misses her.

6. He knows he and Meredith are cut from the same cloth. It's a little scary.

7. He can't stand it when Izzie cries, even if she pisses him off to no end.

8. He actually felt bad for Cristina. Which is new for him, feeling bad for the suck up but there you go.

9. He really doesn't want to be a teacher to snot-nosed interns but he'll do what it takes because that's the kind of guy he is.

10. He offically cannot stand George O'Malley. That's right ass-wipe. He doesn't care who knows it. Originally the guy just bugged him, now he's just got a deep seeded dislike for the repeat intern and he'll do what he can to make his life hell. Who cares if it makes him even more evil than the rest of them really think he is. Who the hell cares?

Muse | Alex Karev
Fandom | Grey's Anatomy

[thelyricalmuses] # 14 - Sexy Back

Tue, 14 Nov 2006 23:56:43 GMT

Title: Club Thing
Song: "Sexy Back" by Justin Timberlake
Character: Alex Karev
Rating: PG -13 language
Pairing(s): Alex/Other
Fandom(s): Grey's Anatomy
Author's Note: This is Pre-Series Alex. Even though the song time frame doesn't match. Go with it.

He’d never been the club type; too much shit went down in clubs that Alex just didn’t want to deal with. Reminded him too much of his dad and how he hadn’t made it. He knows it’s a double standard cause he certainly still spends most of his time in bars but what could he say? Bars felt more like home than the place he slept. The Club Scene just wasn’t his thing.

Of course of all his principals he’s only willing to make concessions for chicks, so it’s no surprise that the hot number from his econ class convinced him to go to some club with her. It might have had to do with that short leather mini-skirt she was wearing when he went to pick her up but really he’s not ashamed to admit that.

He’s not much of a dancer either but really with music like this, it didn’t matter, all he really had to do was move a little and let her do all the work, rubbing and grinding against him. And wait, did the guy in this song just say I’ll let you whip me if I misbehave? That right there was why he preferred the Stones and why dance music just never really made sense. Sure it was all hot when some girl whose name he wouldn’t remember was rubbing herself against him like they were about to have sex fully clothed but really when you listened to the lyrics there was just no impact.

Whatever. Alex didn’t care. He knew he was getting laid that night. Club’s weren’t so bad, they just weren’t his thing.

Word Count: 272

[theatrical_muse] The Moral of the Story ...

Sat, 11 Nov 2006 04:30:34 GMT

The moral of the story is …

So I tried, I really did, I wasn’t going to go be a girl and spread gossip. I wasn’t going to tell O’Malley about Sloan and Torres just to see the look on his face – though I have to admit it was funny. I wasn’t going to be that guy but when he started in about him and her and how they were getting back together I kept thinking ‘dude, O’Malley’s gonna get his heart broken – again’ and so I told him. I just told him not to bother cause hell if she’d ever tell him.

And the dude got pissed, alright; I should have said it a little better. Been less of an ass or whatever the hell it is that I’m always labeled as but he was getting on my nerve with that woe is me bullshit. I swear O’Malley is the whiniest son of a bitch I’ve ever met. He needs to just get over it you know? Deal with shit and move on, dwelling doesn’t get you anywhere. He wanted to fight and I wasn’t down with fighting in front of the chief at first, not like any of these guys have that high of an opinion of me anyway – cept Joe – but still you don’t want to get into a fight in front of all your bosses and the guy who is pretty much your best friend.

When I finally decided O’Malley just needed his ass kicked the chief banned all my good moves and made us have a fucking slap fight like we were two thirteen year old girls. I got the point; don’t ruin the hands, but still a slap fight? Come on.

I would have kicked his ass if he hadn’t nearly killed Walter. The whole tension thing with Burke was weird too. What’s with these guys?

The moral of the story is never try to do a guy a favor, you might get slapped for it.

Muse: Alex Karev
Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy
Word Count: 325

[theatrical_muse] Ancestors

Thu, 26 Oct 2006 07:45:16 GMT

What do your ancestors mean to you?

My ancestors? What the hell kind of question is that? You expect me to have my family tree memorized? That’s such bullshit. Most people don’t worry about their fucking ancestors. As far back as they think is mommy, daddy and maybe their grandparents. We like our worlds nice and small – less to worry about that way.

I never bothered to care about my family history. When I was old enough to bother worrying about it I didn’t want to know. I took a page from the book of my dad and figure if he’s as fucked up as he is I don’t want to know about the rest. It’s enough that I’m more like my old man than I ever really wanted to be, I don’t need to look back and learn that my family owned slaves or burned witches or some shit like that.

What good is that going to do me huh? Am I suppose to feel guilty about something I wasn’t around for? Is my family history suppose to mean something?

So what if my great great great whatever were on the may flower or someone two centuries ago that I’m related to was some lord or lady or hell even fucked goats. Am I going to get a big fat check for the trouble of having these genes? Yeah I didn’t think so.

Ancestors are for shit. We are who we are because our parents fuck us up and then we try to fix ourselves. It doesn’t matter if we were owners, slaves, witches, farmers or anything else. Live in the fucking now people.

Muse: Alex Karev
Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy
Word Count: 286

[thelyricalmuses] Passage by Vienna Teng

Thu, 26 Oct 2006 07:33:53 GMT

Title: Hurricane of Warmth and Word
Song: "Passage" by Vienna Teng
Character: Alex Karev
Rating: PG -13 language
Pairing(s): Alex/Izzie
Fandom(s): Grey's Anatomy
Author's Note: N/a

in a hurricane of warmth and word

His eyes drift shut and he can’t take it anymore. Sitting outside the bathroom door getting looks from everyone as if they’re asking what right he has to be there. He can only roll his eyes and wish he was anywhere else but knowing he’s not going to leave unless he has to. It was one thing to go home and change but something else all together to just leave.

Alex doesn’t do sympathy. He prefers to rest soundly in his apathy, it’s safe when there is only apathy. Sympathy makes him sick to his stomach but he’s here anyway knowing she’s just lying on that floor in that dress that took his breath away and he knows, without looking, that she looks empty.

No one did this. He knew she would blame herself but shit happens. He fucking hates what she did and that she was stupid enough to risk everything for … but he gets it. He fucking gets it and that makes it worse. So he sits outside that bathroom door and waits until everyone is a united front, standing outside the door and pleading with her to just come out. He could try to swoop in like he had the night before but that was different and she wouldn’t listen to him now so he doesn’t even bother trying.

He’s actually afraid. He’s afraid she’ll see it in his eyes, that selfish sense of relief, and he’s afraid she’ll call him on it. If there was one thing Izzie was good at it was calling him on his bullshit.

So he’s glad Denny’s dead – he’s a fucking horrible person – but he’s also infuriated with the guy for dying. For leaving her and he can’t calm it so he can’t look her in the eyes because she’ll know. He’s glad and she fucked up and he’s not going to coddle her on that fact but it wasn’t her fault. He knows she won’t appreciate his ‘shit happens’ perspective so he’ll never offer platitudes.

So he tells Bailey to talk to the chief. He’s pissed off for a lot of reasons and eventually he fucks a patient nearing 50 because he can give the patient what she needs. He can help her, do whatever the fuck else he can because he just can. If Alex can do something he’s going to do it because helplessness does not agree with him.

He doesn’t go to see Izzie, opts for seeing her when she shows up around. He can’t because he feels helpless. He can tell her hurting makes her alive, reminds her of that. He can put his arm around her and make her go home because he can look at her and know, just know that’s what she needs.

But there’s a lot he doesn’t know, will never know.

Denny’s dead and fuck if suddenly that’s not the most important event in his life right now; he really hates it. All of it.

My lover hears the open wind
and crawls blinking into the sun

Muse: Alex Karev
Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy
Word Count: 495

[theatrical_muse] Write about a memory of summer.

Sat, 07 Oct 2006 22:08:21 GMT

I remember one summer, long before my old man skipped out on us, back when he wasn’t as messed up with needles and snorting coke. He was just a dad and a musician trying to make it and he was home for a couple of weeks. We would sit out on the porch, the old cliché, and he would set his guitar in my lap and tell me to play. Now unlike my old man, I was not a prodigy. I didn’t pick up music easily; I never picked up anything easily, if I wanted to be good at something I had to work for it.

Anyways, he would set it in my lap and when I just looked at him helplessly because I was a runt of a kid and the guitar was practically bigger than I was, he would just grin, that shit-eating grin and take it from me with a teasing exasperated sigh.

On the days he took the guitar he’d strum through a chorus of one of his new songs, taking time to point out the finger placement and how to hold it properly. He’d smile and he’d sing and I would sit there transfixed, just staring at him. See my dad had this energy about him when he was sober; he was so full of fucking life that you had to look away. And I remember that summer because it was the last time I really ever saw him looking that way.

The other days I’d send him that ‘help me’ look he’d still laugh lightly and then he’d come sit next to me on the steps and actually put my fingers in the right place. He was so fucking patient with me back then, he’d speak in a low soothing voice and let me completely destroy his songs and love it because there we were. The Karev’s just fucking sitting on the porch strumming his guitar.

When I think back on the summers after that I feel sick. See when my old man wasn’t sober it was like he was dead. Sure he walked and talked and beat the shit out of my mom but if you looked at him it was like there was just nothing. My real dad had checked out and there was a empty monster in his place. Summers after that were spent in cramped apartments because we had to sell the house to support his career and his habit.

He was a bastard you know but he was still my old man. Everyone expected me to turn out just like him – so I never picked up a fucking guitar again. And you’ll never see me injecting shit into my veins. I drink, but in moderation and I’m always in control. With my family history you can’t afford to let yourself go like that, you’ve got to watch and wait and just be that guy everybody looks to for rides home at the end of the night.

I still remember those summers though, its those memories, coupled with a few other good ones involving my dad that keep this weight settled in my chest. The what ifs, you know what if I hadn’t beaten him into a hospital? What if I’d pulled out his old guitar and asked him to teach me? Who the fuck knows.

Sometimes I think it’s easier to forget but like I told Izzie. Maybe it hurts because its suppose to.

Muse: Alex Karev
Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy
Word Count: 575

[thelyricalmuses] Haunted by Poe

Tue, 26 Sep 2006 07:35:07 GMT

Title: Survivor
Song: "Haunted" by Poe
Character: Alex Karev
Rating: PG -13 language
Pairing(s): Alex/Izzie
Fandom(s): Grey's Anatomy
Author's Note: N/a

There is something you should know about Alex Karev. He is not an all American boy, he isn’t the guy you bring home to your mother and he’s certainly not the type you should fall in love with. Alex is the kind of guy who sleeps around and has no qualms about it. He was the guy in high school who knew he was hot enough to get into the virgins pants and did so just so he could prove he did.

It’s not that he’s an uncaring person he’s just more concerned with himself. He doesn’t lack compassion he just chooses when to feel compassionate. Maybe that makes him the asshole everyone assumes him to be but he makes no apologies.

He’s had a hard life, maybe not the kind you’ll see in a lifetime movie – though he’s got the abusive father so maybe he would be a prime candidate for such a tale – but he’s survived it. He got out of his home town and he doesn’t have to think about his childhood unless he’s forced to and hey if his past helps some kid make an informed decision about liver transplants then hell, he’s glad to go there.

He’s not heartless or uncaring. Alex is a survivor and that’s where people make the mistake.

See when you learn that you have to do anything and everything you can to survive, other people become inconsequential. You can’t be bothered to worry about their pain because you have to hold yours so close to you so that no one can see. It’s only when you start to care that the problems arise.

It’s not like you can change your habits over night. Alex wanted to prove to himself that he didn’t have sexual difficulties so he slept with Olivia. Alex wanted to prove to himself that he wasn’t a failure who let a woman sit around the ER untreated for injuries no one knew she had so he took credit for finding a severed leg. Alex wanted to prove that Izzie Stevens had no power over him so he called Denny Duquette a corpse and waited for the fall out.

Alex knew he didn’t deserve happiness, how could he? He was the guy who’d beaten up his own father because he was so damn angry all the time and one more slap of hand against his mother’s skin had caused him to snap. He was the guy whose father abandoned the family and never looked back. So when happiness loomed around the corner he did everything he could to squash it down. He was independent and no one was going to have that kind of power over him.

Alex is a guy who never cries. He hasn’t tasted the salt of his own tears since he was curled up in his closet and scared out of his mind that maybe this time daddy will hit mommy too hard and then he’ll have no one.

He’s a fighter and an asshole and he’s just that guy. He’s not going to change or start to share his secret pain to get ahead or make an impression. He makes no apologies and has no regrets.

What do haunted eyes tell you anyway? Not a goddamn thing.

Muse: Alex Karev
Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy
Word Count: 544

OOC - Spoiler Policy

Tue, 26 Sep 2006 02:52:11 GMT

Taking a note from teh Fawness to talk about my spoiler policy. Since I write in a good number of active fandoms (as in the show has not ended) you might see this repeated and I apologize.

Anyways. With the new seasons starting and such I'm going to do what I think is fair. I'll post things that are spoilery behind a cut if it's a week from the episode. After that everything is fair game. It's safe to say there will be spoilers in just about every post made because the new seasons are fun fodder for challanges. And ya know. That rocks. Much fun to be had.

So that's the warning. If you read this journal at all I hope you're watching the episodes anyway so it shouldn't come as much of a shock.

Happy Reading,
Derek(FM)/Jack/Alex/Duncan Mun

[theatrical_muse] Revenge

Wed, 20 Sep 2006 04:45:19 GMT

Was it revenge when you finally decided to hit back? When you spent hours and weeks and months training for wrestling with that nagging feeling in the back of your head that you would totally fuck him up if he tried to touch your mom again? Was it revenge for all those times his knee hit her stomach or his fist hit her jaw? Or was it survival? You used to tell yourself that it was purely survival – you did what you had to do to protect yourself and your mom.

Now though you look back and you remember how fucking good it felt to hit back. How for once in your goddamn life you had control and he couldn’t hurt you anymore. You weren’t going to let him hurt either of you anymore.

Survival or Revenge? You still can’t be sure, you know you enjoyed it, loved the look of fear and surprise on his face. Then you remember that he never came back and as much as you hate him, and god do you hate him, you regret the way it went down. You wish sometimes that you’d never decided to hit him, to show him what it felt like to cower and cry and fucking whimper with pure fear. You wonder if he would have left anyway or if maybe one day he’d have gotten clean and made things right.

You know it’s useless to bother thinking about shit like that but you do it anyway. You don’t want to be like him so you only drink enough to get you buzzed and the few times you do just get shit faced you’ve always got someone there to look after you. Even if it’s Joe or his boyfriend since you think maybe they’re the only people who’d put up with that shit.

You get stuck on the question though, so stuck it makes your head ache. You just can’t figure it out. Is everything you do survival or are you just as twisted as everyone thinks? Is it all just fucked up revenge?

Muse: Alex Karev
Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy
Word Count: 346

[thelyricalmuses] Application

Wed, 20 Sep 2006 04:28:42 GMT

Title: Not Like This
Song: "Raining in Balitmore" by Counting Crows
Character: Alex Karev
Rating: PG -13 language
Pairing(s): Alex/Izzie
Fandom(s): Grey's Anatomy
Author's Note: N/a

You’ve always been a smart guy, maybe not the smartest in your class, maybe you had to take the boards twice before you passed but your still a smart guy. So how you ended up getting involved is beyond you. You had a plan, a fucking good plan and she had fucked it up. Why did she have to be so damn nice and beautiful and that perfect mix of sarcastic and serious that just lit a fire in your blood.

So the plan had gotten fucked. Screw no attachments and running through your internship with a chip on your shoulder just so nobody would bother looking too closely.

And you feel perfectly justified in blaming it on Isobel Stevens. She made you give a fuck and you’re not sure your ready to forgive her for that. What’s worse is that she’s probably back at Meredith’s right now, still in that regal looking pink dress laying on the floor with tears in her eyes that make you want to do something stupid. Like wipe them away and do anything and everything to make her pain lessen.

And it makes you hate her a little bit cause it’s her own fucking fault she’s dying inside right now. You tried to warn her, he was practically a corpse when she met him and it was only a matter of time before he kicked it. But no, she hadn’t listened just called you fucking jealous and half the man Denny was. And okay you were jealous, you hated him with a vengeance and you didn’t feel at all ashamed of that when he died. It wasn’t like you wanted him to die you just knew it was inevitable.

The only reason you mourn the hickish heart patient at all is because you can look into her eyes and fucking feel her pain down to your marrow. And fuck her for that. For getting to you like that and seeping in underneath your skin as if you wouldn’t notice just to cast you off like you were nothing.

Maybe you were nothing, you know you fucked up, you know it every time she looks at you and you realize she stopped expecting you to be anything but the asshole you let everyone think you are – you really are an asshole but there’s more to you than that.

You just know that this wasn’t how it was suppose to be. Sure you figured you’d sleep with some nurses maybe a couple of the hot interns but you never planned to care or be on a fucking team. And it’s Izzie’s fault because she opened you up and bared your secrets. She left you raw and exposed and vulnerable and you are not that guy, you aren’t George fucking O’Malley and you don’t share your feelings and live with women. You’ve never been put in the ‘just friends’ category and you know you never will be because you don’t accept shit like that you move on at the first sign. Of course you know you’ll give Izzie whatever the fuck she wants from you because you’re fucking gone for her and you hate her just a little bit more because of it.

It wasn’t suppose to be like this. You were going to ride the plastics train to the bank, not make friends and lovers or any kind of impact. Yet there you were picking her up from beside a cooling corpse letting her sob her grief into your rented tux and you knew that the plan was fucked and it just wasn’t going to work anymore.

Then again you’re still an asshole and who the hell knows what tomorrow will bring.

Muse: Alex Karev
Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy
Word Count: 616

Look Out ...

Sat, 26 Aug 2006 19:11:29 GMT

Look out! Select the word(s) of your choice and complete the scene. You're walking/strolling/wandering/running/ducking past a window/door/tent flap/cave opening/car/alleyway and a bullet/rock/arrow/book/knife whistles past your head. You immediately…

I’m walking past the door to the on-call room and a book whistles past my head. I immediately curse and turn back to the door, which is open, which is not a usual occurrence. I peer into the room where Izzie sits with her arms crossed over her chest and that glare I’m so accustom to receiving lately on her tired eyes.

“What the fuck was that for?” I ask without bothering with niceties, come on this is me and when is someone not pissed at me?

She just glares and says nothing and I’m really not in the mood for this so I turn and start to walk away again when a hefty copy of ‘Gross Anatomy’ hits my back. I turn again, rubbing my back and cursing loud enough that if Bailey is anywhere in the vicinity then I’m going to get reamed out later for professionalism in the work place or some tired ass shit like that.

“Are you going to keep throwing books at me or are you going to be an adult and tell me what your problem is?” I asked while bending over to pick up the book.

Why the fuck is she sitting in the on call room with the lights on, the door open and a pile of books next to her that she just seems intent on throwing at me? Gives a whole new meaning to some tired old clichés.

I raise my brow and look at her waiting for some kind of response when her eyes narrow even more.

“If you don’t know then I’m not going to tell you,” She says in that stubborn voice that just makes me want to close the door, lock it and use my power of persuasion to both find out why she’s pissed at me and alleviate the anger in one fail swoop.

I don’t do that though; I just stare at her like she’s grown a second head and wonder what the fuck her issue is. Hadn’t we gotten over the ‘everyone hates Alex’ thing and gotten more into the ‘Alex can tame my beast anytime’ thing? Personally I liked the second.

I shake my head and head out the door, narrowly missing another book being hurtled into the hall.

“Women.”

Muse: Alex Karev
Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy
Word Count: 379

Have you ever woken up in the morning and not remembered what you did the night before?

Fri, 28 Jul 2006 20:45:10 GMT

I went to college didn’t I? My freshman year, I was just deciding that I was going to go pre-med. I’d thought about it for a long damn time. It seemed like the perfect way to get my ass out of Iowa and rolling in the kind of money my old man might have had if he hadn’t fucked up his music career with drugs. I didn’t decide on surgery till a little later. I wasn’t one of these other people who was bred for this kind of life – like Meredith - and I didn’t work my ass off scrapping by forever – like Izzy – and I definitely didn’t have eight degree’s to show off like a badge of honor – like Cristina – I was just Alex fucking Karev and I wanted to help people and make good money.

Anyways, in that first year I partied all the time, habits from high school were just hard to break. There was absolutely nothing I was going to not have tried once, be that girls or alcohol; drugs didn’t exist to me, at least I learned something from my old man. I can’t count how many mornings I woke up and had a head pillowed on my chest of some girl I didn’t recognize but had obviously gotten really familiar with, if you know what I mean.

Despite what everyone thinks about me, those are not my proudest moments. Lying there still as stone hoping the girl would wake up, get embarrassed and leave so I didn’t have to search my head for her name. Sometimes it worked out that way, I’d pretend to be asleep and just wait until the door clicked shut after which ever girl had been in my bed. Other times I’d get the psycho chicks who would screech at me when they realized I couldn’t remember the night before and leave in a crying mess. Then there were my favorite kind of girls, the ones who probably didn’t remember my name any better than I did theirs and then made sure I wouldn’t forget it by the time they left, usually a lot later in the afternoon and a couple of orgasms later.

So yeah, I’ve blacked out, woken up with women I didn’t know and usually didn’t care to but that’s usually all that’s ever happened. Never had those terrifying kind, the kind that have people running into the emergency room cause they woke up in a bathtub full of ice with their kidney’s missing and bad sutures. Guess I’m lucky that way.

Muse: Alex Karev
Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy
Word Count: 425

If ...

Fri, 07 Jul 2006 02:48:59 GMT

If …

If he’d just been able to keep it in his scrubs maybe everything would have turned out differently. Alex thought about it all the time, what would have happened if he’d just not been the ass everyone expected him to be – everyone but Izzie – and not slept with a nurse. He and Izzie hadn’t been completely a couple, at least that’s the excuse he used, the one that usually worked for him when he completely fucked up another relationship.

Alex had never been one for relationships, he was the kind of guy who screwed anything with boobs – or at least that’s how he was seen. It wasn’t untrue but he wasn’t exactly a man-slut or anything. Ok, so maybe he was, maybe he was just a big old sex fiend who was dripping with one night stands and notches on the bed post.

If he wasn’t that guy maybe everything would be different. Maybe he wouldn’t have fucked up his budding relationship with Izzie and maybe she’d have never fallen for Denny Duquette and ruined her career over a corpse.

Alex hated the what ifs, it was part of the reason he lived so ‘recklessly’ why not just go for what you want? Get up, get off and go – it was something of a philosophy. He didn’t like looking back at his actions and wishing he’d done something different. Alex lived, he lived and he told the goddamn truth and that was just who he was.

What if he hadn’t been scared shitless of falling for Izzie and giving her the power to hurt him? Would that have changed anything, if he hadn’t been such a chicken shit would he have her now instead of just looking at the shell of the person she used to be, eyes swollen and red from crying, voice harsh and cold because she’s too beaten down by life to bother speaking anymore.

He could sit there and pretend that if he’d acted differently things would be different, maybe they’d be one of those cute couples that makes all their friends want to vomit – because if he could see himself being that guy with anyone, Izzie was the one. Only Alex knew better; if he hadn’t slept with Olivia he would have found another bastardly way to fuck up everything he had with Izzie and even if he’d managed to keep it together she probably would have still fallen for a corpse and dumped him without a second thought. Maybe he was just cynical or maybe he just knew he didn’t deserve the goodness that Izzie would have brought to his life but he’s pretty sure the what ifs don’t matter. The universe would have screwed him over anyway.

And boy was he screwed over. It didn’t matter that he’d pushed Izzie away so she wouldn’t have the power to hurt him, so he wouldn’t fall in love with her. Love made you weak, attachments made everything that should be simple that much fucking harder. It was funny, he’d done everything he could to fuck it up and succeeded and she still hurt him; cut him deep with words and icy glares and he still loved her; wanted to hold her, comfort her and take her pain away.

He was the joke and what ifs didn’t fucking matter.
Muse: Alex Karev
Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy
Word Count: 555

2nd Level ... of lust ... i can deal with that

Sat, 01 Jul 2006 20:46:45 GMT

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Second Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Extreme
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very High
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Extreme
Level 7 (Violent)	High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Moderate

Take the Dante's Inferno Test

OOC Note

Wed, 28 Jun 2006 20:24:43 GMT

So. I write things in challanges that could be considered spoilers. However, since the season is over I'm not going to cut them. If you watch this journal you should be aware of possible spoilers in any and all posts.

Should I end up using anything from the 3rd season once it airs I will use cuts for spoilers up until about two or three weeks after an episode has aired. That's my spoiler policy.

Just wanted to FYI anyone who reads this thing :)

-Gin (Duncan!Mun, Jack!Mun, Alex!Mun)

What makes you angriest?

Wed, 28 Jun 2006 04:59:24 GMT

What makes you angriest?

Now that is one damn good question. Getting thrown off surgeries pisses me off. Being stuck on the damn vagina squad with the freak in pink scrubs pisses me off. I don’t care if I’m crass and I fuck up her career, I don’t want in on her surgeries; I really hate that woman.

You know what else? Attendings who take advantage of interns and not just by sleeping with them – yeah they piss me off. Screw them and their tendency to mess everything up for the rest of us. Favoring the girls because they have tits and put out really sucks but just generally being assholes fucking pisses me off.

Southern rednecks piss me off. When they go and are all charming and invalids who can’t even get out of bed because they are all woe is me heart patients who like to make their doctors fall for them. Oh yeah they really piss me off.

Southern Rednecks up and dying on someone who cares about them and leaving the rest of us to pick up the pieces, that fucking pisses me off. Having to watch Izzy Stevens cry her heart out while everyone else looks on helplessly that makes me angry at the damn world. So yeah maybe that’s what makes me angriest. Knowing I’m never going to compare to a fucking corpse. Or maybe its just the fact that she hurts, but that would be like sharing my secret pain right? Usually I ask for a drink before I start in on those lines.

Secret pain. Whatever. Anger is easier. And I’m just angry, I’ve always been angry. My dad was an angry son of a bitch who took his anger out on my mom, couldn’t do a damn thing about it; I just had to watch when he beat the crap out of her, curl up in my closet and pretend I was anywhere but there. I beat him though, I beat him by nearly killing him and he left and it didn’t help. My old man was always a ghost in that house.

Now we’ve all got ghosts but I don’t think anything makes me more angry than being helpless, maybe I can thank my old man for that. And right now that’s all I fucking feel, helpless, cause she’s broken and she knows it and she’s fucking giving up and that’s not Izzy. Izzy may not want to come back she may think she doesn’t deserve her M.D. but she’s a fighter – she’s always been a fighter. It’s what I’ve liked about her.

So the corpse can kiss my ass for doing this to her, if he wasn’t already dead I’d kill him.

I’m sorry was that too blunt? Am I supposed to be politically correct, we’re talking about anger here. Bite me.

Muse: Alex Karev
Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy
Word Count: 469

What is your favorite retreat from the world?

Wed, 28 Jun 2006 04:42:44 GMT

What is your favorite retreat from the world?

Joe’s bar. My tab at Joe’s is close to like a thousand bucks or something, maybe more by now. I should probably start paying that off. I’ve already got student loans that are killing me and it’s not like I can make any good money anytime soon. Have to get through a few more years at Seattle Grace before I can ride the plastics train to the bank.

Anyways, I’ve been going to Joe’s bar every night after work since I moved to Seattle. Was the closest to home I was going to get and Joe is seriously one of the coolest guys around. His boyfriend is pretty cool too – I mean I like chicks and all but I’m down with the rainbow, whatever makes you happy. For me though, after a long day of watching my fellow interns whine and bitch about their pathetic lives I had to get a drink. Of course I started making friends and enemies and so the whining and bitching either had to do with me or I actually freakin’ cared about it – which is such crap.

Joe’s is where I go when everything in life sucks. So I guess it’s my retreat, though sometimes my world freakin’ follows me there. It does almost suck that everyone else I work with goes there to, but Joe’s one of the reasons I go. He listens to me bitch and I usually stay till last call – it’s just one of those things.

And here I bet you thought I’d say sex with inappropriate women in the on-call room. Sorry to disappoint.

Muse: Alex Karev
Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy
Word Count: 256

Application; Loyalty

Mon, 12 Jun 2006 21:58:54 GMT

It’s pretty easy when you’re into sports to talk about loyalty. Take my inquisition with the chief. I told him that I wasn’t going to tell him what he wanted to know because we were a team. Just because you didn’t like your teammates and just because you pretty much hated the way they were playing? You didn’t sell out your team.

I didn’t give two shits about Denny Duquette and I’d probably continue to not give a rat’s ass about the corpse that Izzie had gotten so attached to. I mean he’s a frikkin’ corpse practically and she just ruins her entire career over that? Give me a break. I don’t call what I did loyalty. I don’t care about them anymore than they care about me – which they’ve proven on multiple occasions – so I did it because we’re a frikkin’ team and you just don’t rat out your teammates.

Maybe it was some misguided sense of loyalty to her that sent me up to his room when I’d heard about the corpse, well becoming a corpse. For once in my life I kind of hated being right. Seriously, you want to be right – it’s one of those things that people just want, they don’t want to be wrong about something. When you’re a doctor that’s like twofold and when it’s a competition? Come on, of course I wanted to be right. Also because I thought it’d feel good if the southern drawling invalid broke her heart by dying; that is until I saw her lying on his bed in the pink gown just looking empty.

Be careful what you wish for.

Was it loyalty that made me speak up? Hell if I know, maybe it was something else. All I knew was that Izzie was literally broken inside lying against a corpse and so I told her he wouldn’t want her to be like this, no guy who loved her would and then I picked her up from his side and held her.

Whatever it was I still think Loyalty is a big old fat crock.

Muse: Alex Karev
Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy
Word Count: 348